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Experiencing rejection, notably when it recurs often, is far from pleasant. A publisher is declining your work, giving a clear “Not interested.” As a writer, I am well acquainted with rejection. I began pitching articles half a century past, upon college graduation. Over the years, I have had two novels declined, along with article pitches and countless pieces. During the recent two decades, specializing in op-eds, the refusals have grown more frequent. Regularly, I receive a setback frequently—amounting to in excess of 100 each year. In total, rejections over my career exceed a thousand. By now, I could have a PhD in rejection.

So, does this seem like a woe-is-me rant? Absolutely not. As, now, at the age of 73, I have come to terms with rejection.

In What Way Have I Accomplished This?

A bit of background: At this point, just about everyone and their distant cousin has rejected me. I haven’t tracked my win-lose ratio—that would be quite demoralizing.

As an illustration: not long ago, a publication nixed 20 submissions in a row before saying yes to one. A few years ago, no fewer than 50 book publishers declined my memoir proposal before one gave the green light. Subsequently, 25 representatives declined a nonfiction book proposal. A particular editor suggested that I submit potential guest essays only once a month.

The Seven Stages of Setback

When I was younger, every no were painful. I felt attacked. It was not just my creation being rejected, but myself.

As soon as a piece was rejected, I would start the phases of denial:

• First, disbelief. Why did this occur? Why would editors be ignore my ability?
• Second, refusal to accept. Certainly it’s the wrong person? It has to be an oversight.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What do they know? Who appointed you to judge on my labours? You’re stupid and their outlet is poor. I deny your no.
• Fourth, frustration at those who rejected me, then anger at myself. Why do I do this to myself? Am I a masochist?
• Fifth, bargaining (often mixed with optimism). What will it take you to acknowledge me as a unique writer?
• Sixth, sadness. I’m not talented. Worse, I can never become accomplished.

So it went over many years.

Great Examples

Certainly, I was in fine fellowship. Stories of writers whose work was originally declined are legion. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every renowned author was originally turned down. Because they managed to overcome rejection, then perhaps I could, too. Michael Jordan was not selected for his high school basketball team. Many Presidents over the last 60 years had earlier failed in campaigns. The filmmaker estimates that his Rocky screenplay and desire to appear were rejected numerous times. “I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle to motivate me and get going, instead of giving up,” he has said.

The Final Phase

Then, as I reached my later years, I reached the final phase of rejection. Peace. Now, I more clearly see the many reasons why someone says no. Firstly, an publisher may have recently run a similar piece, or have one in the pipeline, or be thinking about a similar topic for someone else.

Or, more discouragingly, my pitch is of limited interest. Or the evaluator believes I don’t have the experience or stature to fit the bill. Perhaps isn’t in the field for the work I am submitting. Maybe was too distracted and read my work too fast to recognize its abundant merits.

Feel free call it an realization. Anything can be declined, and for numerous reasons, and there is pretty much not much you can do about it. Some rationales for rejection are always not up to you.

Your Responsibility

Others are under your control. Honestly, my pitches and submissions may occasionally be poorly thought out. They may be irrelevant and appeal, or the point I am struggling to articulate is insufficiently dramatised. Alternatively I’m being obviously derivative. Maybe a part about my punctuation, especially semicolons, was annoying.

The essence is that, regardless of all my long career and setbacks, I have achieved widely published. I’ve published multiple works—my first when I was 51, another, a memoir, at retirement age—and in excess of 1,000 articles. Those pieces have appeared in newspapers large and small, in regional, worldwide sources. An early piece appeared decades ago—and I have now submitted to that publication for 50 years.

Still, no bestsellers, no author events at major stores, no spots on popular shows, no Ted Talks, no book awards, no accolades, no Nobel Prize, and no Presidential Medal. But I can better accept rejection at 73, because my, small successes have cushioned the jolts of my frequent denials. I can now be thoughtful about it all now.

Valuable Rejection

Denial can be educational, but when you pay attention to what it’s indicating. Otherwise, you will probably just keep interpreting no’s all wrong. What insights have I gained?

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