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I'm marking 90 days of sobriety and seeking guidance on helping my eleven-year-old autistic son. Through rehabilitation and AA, I've reached this goal, although my alcohol use escalated over the last couple of years. Previously, I was alcohol-free for the initial six years of his life.

The Impact of Previous Challenges

In the final stages, my alcohol consumption was constant, and my son saw me out of control and deeply unhappy. He developed a sense of responsibility, thinking he was the only one who could stop me from drinking by taking away bottles. I am utterly ashamed about this. I've repeatedly told him that I alone can control my actions.

He stayed with his father for a few months—we divorced five years ago, but his father is supportive of my sobriety. He returned back in with me when he began high school in September. Confidence between us is slowly growing as he sees that I am not drinking and devoting all my energy into getting better.

Present Challenges and Emotions

He remains hyper-vigilant and worried about my well-being. As a result, he is terribly controlling of my movements—in part due to fear about my drinking, but also because he is autistic and anxious about unexpected changes. I'm focusing on self-assurance and limits; it would be easy to yield to his demands, but that doesn't feel right as a caregiver. It is hard as I also feel very remorseful.

I reached out to family support while in rehab, and we are waiting for help for my son from local addiction services. Meanwhile, I feel quite uncertain about how to communicate with him. I aim not to make him upset, but I also wish not to overlook the previous events. In what way do we progress?

Professional Advice on Recovery

Children need to feel safe, particularly after unpredictable times when they couldn't be sure if their parent could keep them secure. They might feel worried about bringing up these issues now. Kids often believe things are their fault—blaming themselves instead of their parents, as the other option feels overwhelming. Autism can intensify these emotions.

Individuals in active addiction frequently make apologies they might not be able to fulfill. This makes it difficult for loved ones to determine what to trust.

It is not unusual for those in active addiction to make assurances they may not maintain. As a result, family may struggle to hard to trust them. Along with boundaries, it's really crucial to be reliable and show your son that situations have improved, rather than just saying him.

Practical Actions for Dialogue and Support

Focus on him settling in at his new school and establish a good routine. Next, introduce the concept that no subject is forbidden—if that is indeed the case. Mealtimes can be a suitable time to talk, as can side-by-side activities like walking or driving, since they involve minimal direct gazing, which individuals find too intense. Perhaps there's an hobby you and your son like doing together? Don't think "we need to discuss," but seek chances for dialogue and let them occur naturally. Additionally, think about your son's favored method of communication—it may not be speaking; it could be through writing, or a mix of both.

It is essential for him to know that his refuge apart from home might be with his father. Try to avoid feeling hurt if he wants to go there sometimes. It doesn't mean you've failed—this is a journey that won't be straightforward.

Separating Personal Needs from His

You need to distinguish your needs from your son's. Ensure you're not comforting him to make yourself feel better—to absolve yourself—because you cannot do that through your son. You can concentrate more effectively on what he needs if you receive strong assistance yourself.

You are making really well. Continue forward.