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When I grew up in the 1990s, authorities gave the impression that the gender pay gap could be tackled by telling girls that they could do anything. Eye-catching, vibrant pink promotions convinced me that institutional and cultural obstacles would yield to my self-belief.

Scholars have since disproven the belief that someone can transform their existence through upbeat attitudes. Will Storr, in his publication Selfie, explains how the neoliberal myth of equal opportunities fuels much of personal development trends.

Nevertheless, a portion of my mind remains convinced that by putting in the work and glue together a solid dream collage, I ought to realize my deepest aspirations: the single obstacle to my future lies within myself. How do I find a harmonious middle ground, a balance between having faith in my boundless abilities but am not responsible for every failure?

The Solution Lies in Modesty

The resolution, per a fourth-century philosopher, a North African Catholic bishop, centers on meekness. He stated that modesty served as the base of every other moral quality, and that for someone seeking God “the primary aspect requires modesty; the second, humility; the third, self-effacement”.

For a lapsed Catholic in my case, the concept of meekness might stir various unpleasant feelings. I was raised during a period in Catholicism when focusing on physical beauty was considered vain; physical attraction was deemed improper beyond reproduction; and even pondering solo sex could lead to punishment.

I doubt that Augustine planned for this, but for many years, I confused “modesty” with shame.

Constructive Meekness Isn’t About Self-Hatred

Embracing modesty, according to mental health expert Ravi Chandra, does not mean hating oneself. Someone who is healthily humble takes pride in their capabilities and successes while admitting that learning never ends. The psychiatrist defines various types of meekness: modesty regarding cultures; intergenerational humility; intellectual humility; awareness of limits; modesty in abilities; appreciation for others’ wisdom; reverence for the sublime; and compassion in pain.

Studies in psychology has likewise discovered numerous advantages coming from modesty in intellect, including enhanced endurance, acceptance and bonding.

Meekness in Action

Through my profession providing emotional care in aged care, I now think about meekness as the practice of being present to the other. Meekness functions as a way to reconnect: revisiting, moment by moment, to the ground I stand on and the person sitting in front of me.

There are some residents who share with me the same five anecdotes from their lives, over and over again, during each visit. In place of monitoring time, I try to listen. I aim to remain inquisitive. What insights can I gain from this individual and the memories they hold onto amidst so much loss?

Taoist Serenity

I attempt to embrace the Taoist attitude as described by scholar Huston Smith described as “inventive calm”. Thinkers from Taoism encourage humans to quiet the ego and reside in sync with the flow of creation.

This may be highly applicable amid efforts to restore the harm humanity has caused to the natural world. Through her publication Fathoms: The World in the Whale, author Rebecca Giggs clarifies that being humble helps us re-connect with “the inner creature, the being that trembles toward the unseen". Taking a position of humility, of uncertainty, allows us to remember our species is a part of a larger whole.

The Grace of Humility

There is a barrenness and hopelessness that comes with assuming no limits exist: triumph – be it attaining riches, reducing size, or winning the presidential race – becomes the only acceptable option. Humility enables grace and setbacks. I am humble, rooted in the earth, suggesting I have everything I need to flourish.